stupid snow. stupid orcs.

 So, first thing I had to do this morning was get out of bed and spend an hour shoveling the driveway. This is not my idea of a fun way to spend the morning.

On the bright side. while it was wet and heavy snow, it wasn't so deep that I couldn't deal with it mostly by pushing the shovel, and I did get it done before the neighbors drove OVER it in their Jeep, creating ruts that are difficult both to drive over and to shovel.

I have the ENT consult today. No scopes today. Which probably also means no solutions. At least knowing there won't be scopes today is letting my anxiety die back some.

Given that I had very little breathing trouble while shoveling the fucking snow, but the gasping started up again while I was doing the dishes, i think the way to bet is anxiety, not obstructions.

I treated myself to a cheese omelet this morning. Ah, Cabot Seriously Sharp Cheddar, how I love you. And toasted a couple of chunks of my homemade bread in the oven. The loaf wasn't perfect this time around -- I used the mixer bowl as a cover while it proofed, and the diameter was too small and the loaf stuck and deflated around the edges when I pulled it off, and oven spring didn't fix it, but despite its wide flatness, it was still tasty.

I printed out the forms they want me to fill out (registration, health history, HIPAA). I'll do that after I shower. Oh look, there's another gasp.

Supercuts has waxing strips back in stock, so I can go get my fucking goatee dealt with. I suppose I should be grateful that hirsutism is my worst (nearly only, at this point) PCOS symptom. But I really really hate it.

Finished The Age of Wonder. Have started Libriomancer. It's cute, and I think it'll be a quick read.

Have to shrink-wrap more windows. DEFINITELY need to finish the Advent-calendar story. Ought to keep knitting the hot-water-bottle cozy. Might make sense to complete a Certain Other Project, but as it's meant as a holiday present, I have time, and it's now officially hot water bottle season, so the cozy is more directly useful.

Should check downstairs to see if that skein of natural-cream wool is still in one of my fabric stash boxes.

Overall: productive, but meh.

good news and bad news

The good news is, the ENT doesn't think there's any need to stick a scope down my nose or my throat. He says that if there was a tumor or anything, it wouldn't be on-and-off the way I'm describing, it'd be constant. He agrees it's anxiety.

The bad news is, he thinks exercise is the answer. This is not exactly what I wanted to hear.

1) Sure, it's going to be a lot of fun exercising when I get these unpredictable gasping fits and feel short of breath.

2) I fucking hate exercise.

I intend to start Monday. This gives me time to hook Breadbox up to the laptop and see if I can sort out my fucking iTunes library, at least enough to make a goddamned playlist for a half-hour jog -- going to start up with that C25K app again. And try to stretch adequately so I don't bugger my knees the way I did last time. Although I swear half the trouble was that I kept turning my ankles on uneven pavement. And, no, there isn't an especially accessible running track close by... I don't think there's one at the park, and their baseball field gave me my worst turned ankles generally, plus, you know, SNOW, and using the one at the high school would mean either adding a mile's walk each way to the running program, or driving a mile to run on a track, which seems perfectly idiotic to me. So, it's back to the sidewalks and hope I'm less of a fucking klutz.

And I don't think it's the shoes, because I let a trained fitter guy pick them out for me and they say "stability." Shouldn't that keep me from turning my ankles?

I should probably see about getting the Wii Fit back on line, so I can use its jogging and yoga programs, for when the weather is crap. And vacuum in the living room, so I can start on the push-ups again, not that THAT is going to be any fun with the gasping, either.

I fucking hate exercise.

observation

The breathing issues aren't really exertion-related.

Reclining at 45 degrees is better than standing or sitting upright.

Dry heat is better than moist heat -- I gasp in the shower, I'm pretty good in the car with the heater cranked. (Cold sucks.)

Booze helps.

Therefore, the ideal solution would be to park myself on a deck lounger at a nice beach, with attentive cabana boys bringing me umbrella drinks.

Think I can get a prescription for that?