And so it ends

[rikibeth]

talandra's most recent EEG showed no higher cortical activity.

Her sister Randi and her wife jetshade have decided to turn off the respirator on Sunday.

I'm here with them, providing practical support and Halloween kleenex and so on.

One of the biggest obstacles is that talandra and jetshade hadn't made any plans for something like this. They had no life insurance, no burial plot, no savings for this, nada. They had only been married a year -- they thought they had much more time.

If you're inclined to help, wargoddess has set up a Paypal fund for donations to defray funeral expenses.

You can go to www.paypal.com, choose Send Money, and put kittentherogue@yahoo.com in the TO box.

This link should also take you to the send money link for paypal:

https://www.paypal.com/us/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_send-money&nav=1.1.0
On the right hand side, put kittentherogue@yahoo.com in the TO box, and fill in the rest as you wish.
It does require that you put in your email address to do this, but it is paypal so the server is secure.

Paypal allows you to do this through either a paypal account or a credit card, for convenience.

jetshade's only request is that you leave some sort of contact information, so that she can thank you, privately though email if in no other way. She appreciates that some people like to remain anonymous, but she'd prefer to be able to thank you.

And whether you donate or not -- PLEASE talk with your family, and get wills and living wills and medical proxies set up, and talk about what you'd WANT for funeral arrangements, even if you're not in a position to buy burial plots or take out insurance or whatever. You never know what's going to happen. If you got hit by a bus or something... you know the drill. Just do it, okay?

The current plan is to have a memorial service on Sunday the 16th. The hospital social worker gave us some names and figures. We're going to try to make some arrangements tomorrow.

Thanks, everyone.

Comments

[bunnygoth.livejournal.com]

So sorry to read this :(

[gentlyepigrams]

I'm so sorry.

[candle-light.livejournal.com]

Do you mind if I swipe this message (minus the last bit and the part about you being there to provide support) and forward it on?

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

Signal boost ALL YOU LIKE. It's very welcome, and thank you.

Also, fucking POSTER story for same sex marriage. Thank all that's holy that they live in Massachusetts.

[florahart]

This post is unlocked: okay to link, too? I don't know these people, but I do have a big flist, of which many members are full of pissed off about Prop 8 and might sort of like to put a few bucks of that energy into at least supporting, as you say, poster story, despite that everyone would rather have the opportunity to support folks not having tragedy.

Also, I am apparently a paypal idjit, but I sent a few bucks and think I managed to include contact info. *facepalm* The interface changed or something! I hope to have not been confusing.

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

OMG Flora, THANK YOU.

Yes, that's one of the reasons I made it a public post. Please, yes, link. Anyone, link.

talandra was the GM of a Star Wars campaign I played in for FIFTEEN YEARS. She will be sorely missed.

[faithhopetricks.livejournal.com]

Oh honey, I'm so so sorry.

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

//clings

I have a suggestion on how to defray funeral expenses

[number42.livejournal.com]

If the following is distasteful, I in no way mean it to be.

When my dad died, we donated his body to UCONN to be used by medical students as a cadaver. This was his wish all along. UCONN picked up all costs for cremation after the semester was over, and they had a beautiful ceremony for all donators later. I don't know if there are any programs like that in Mass., but it might be worth checking out.

Re: I have a suggestion on how to defray funeral expenses

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

That's a wonderful and generous thing that your dad did. I'm glad he made his wishes known, and I'm glad it worked out well for your family. I appreciate you suggesting it.

I think if I passed it along I'd get Jet channeling Tia's Patented GM Horrified Stare, the one that usually preceded a disbelieving command of "Roll percents." Ask Mark to do it for you, if you've never seen it.

But thank you.

[shut-me-up.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry.

I can only give a little, but I hope that maybe some others will do the same.

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

thank you so much, Katrin.

Also, thank you for posting that pic of Stefan in bunny ears the other day. I had to show it to my housemate so she could tease her best friend with it!

[intuition-ist.livejournal.com]

Is there some way to contribute that does not require setting up a Paypal account (which I have hitherto avoided)?

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

Drop me an e-mail (rikibeth at gmail dot com) and I'll give you the ground address.

[deguspice.livejournal.com]

You don't need a Paypal account to donate via Paypal, you can use a credit card to make a one time payment.

[intuition-ist.livejournal.com]

I thought so too, but the link she posted demanded that I create an account and would not let me donate without creating one. :\

[deguspice.livejournal.com]

There's a donation button in Jet's LJ that doesn't appear to require a Paypal account.

http://jetshade.livejournal.com/107297.html

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

Ah, damn. I have sent some money, and my heart is with them.

(We always think that we have more time....)

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

On behalf of Jet and Tia, thank you, and my good wishes once more for Soren's continued recovery and progress.

[fasteronfire525.livejournal.com]

oh man. this is the first i've even heard of this, i think. i'm so sorry. what happened to her originally that she was in that condition?

Much love to you and her wife. But also much anger for same-sex marriages being shot down. whatever happened to equality? seperate but equal is not equal, and they deserve everything we do.

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

Oh, there's plenty of anger here too. But at least they're in Massachusetts, where it's not in dispute.

Thanks.

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

oh, and she suffered multiple strokes this summer, and was getting better and in rehab but had some sort of final setback on 10/16 and has been unresponsive since then.

[ap-aelfwine.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

[gem225.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear this. Hugs and best wishes to you and to jetshade and Randi.

I'll talk to Greg again about making a will and such. Maybe this time he'll do more than listen to me and nod agreement and then never be willing to do anything more. If not, dammit, I'll have to go ahead and do what I can myself. Thank you for the reminder.

Sympathy and Living Will/End of Life Resources

[kebbykate.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry for your loss and for all those who knew and loved her. I'll be making a donation to help. Now, pardon me while I go into librarian mode to help others follow your advice to be prepared.

The rector at our church was a practicing attorney, and more specifically, a probate judge, here in CT until he became a full-time priest. Because of this experience he put together, with some help from parishioners with expertise, an "end of life planning" packet--which is available here at: http://www.trinityhartford.org/pdfs/EndofLifePlanning.pdf
It's pretty comprehensive and (of course) set up in part for a specifically Episcopal funeral service, but it covers a lot of ground in other areas. People shouldn't be put off because it's coming from a church.

Here is the CT Advanced Directive/Living Will form:
http://www.ct.gov/ag/lib/ag/health/advancedirectiveslivingwillorhealthcareinstructions.pdf
These are easy to find by googling your state name plus "living will", look for something with ".gov" or "state" in the URL and ignore the commercial sites. These forms are free, and you should not have to pay for them. They can be completed easily, typically for the minimal cost of paying a notary public's fee. If you have an attorney connection, they can review it with you. These are good things for your doctor to have a copy of in your medical file.

[tikvah.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry.

[surelle.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry.

[ceo]

I'm terribly sorry.

[gnomi.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry.

All of you who love Tia are in my thoughts.

[wordswoman.livejournal.com]

This is just heartbreaking. My condolences to you and your friends, and their families. I lost my dad in September, and even with an older person and a long-expected death, it's shattering. I cannot imagine losing my partner at such a young age.

To the reminders about end-of-life planning, let me add another important one: long-term disability insurance. Not every medical calamity ends in death, and many can render a person unable to work for a long period of time (or ever). LTD insurance can be the difference between staying afloat and sinking financially.

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

I made a donation...not as much as I wish it could be, but something. *sigh*