observation on my idiolect (cusswords in post)

[rikibeth]

Someone commented, yesterday, on my use of "problematic" in an online discussion. They characterized it as a weak word. I hadn't thought of it that way.

It made me realize something about the way I use words. If I disagree with something, but want to give the speaker/writer the benefit of the doubt for good intentions, the word I tend to use is "misguided."

"Mistaken" is a little stronger than that, when I feel it's more than just a matter of opinion.

The next level up from that is "wrongheaded." This is the polite version of "they have their head wedged up their ass."

By the time I'm dragging out "problematic," I'm going for the G-rated version of "that's some pretty fucked-up shit, right there."

However, I can't expect the rest of the world to have a secret decoder ring for Rikibeth Is Trying Not To Swear.

aren't words cool?

Comments

[inaurolillium.livejournal.com]

I don't think "problematic" is a weak word. I think it expresses its meaning quite precisely: There is a problem with what someone is saying. Implied, but not stated, is "whether or not you mean it to be." It's a word that skips over the entire question of intent, which is a huge derailment and time sink.

It is a diplomatic word, yes, but diplomacy is not weak, although people who go around characterizing words as weak in this sense tend to think it is. They are full of shit. There is a time for diplomacy without cursing, a time for diplomacy with cursing (I have been know to use the phrase "fucking problematic"), and a time for just going for the throat. Some people need to get used to that idea.

Also, I, having been raised Southern, am prone to using, "Bless your heart," and "How nice!"

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

"Bless your heart" and "How nice!" are both delightful phrases, but work ever so much better when tone of voice is available. Sometimes you can do that online. Sometimes you can't.

Is diplomacy with cursing like diplomacy with lightsabers?

[inaurolillium.livejournal.com]

More like diplomacy with Churchill.

I find that it isn't the tone that communicates the meaning of "bless your heart" and "how nice" -- I'm often misunderstood when I say them in real life, and anyway they're properly said in a sweet-as-pie tone -- but cultural context. If I say "How nice!" to a Southerner, online or off, they're probably going to know exactly what I mean. For a West Coast person, or a New Yorker, to get it, I have to have told them the joke first.

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

See, it's that sweet-as-pie tone that cues me in that Something Is Going On, Here.

And, yeah, I might not have originally gotten "How nice!" without the joke. "He sent me to charm school!"

[inaurolillium.livejournal.com]

Apparently, that tone does not convey the point to everyone, and many of the people who will get it with the tone will read the words with that tone automatically. That's my experience.

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

You want amusing, ask mama_hogswatch below about how one of her worst insults is "Cupcake."

[inaurolillium.livejournal.com]

I love it!

It's in the orientation training at my restaurant that, no matter how cranky I sound, I'm not mad at the person I'm addressing unless I start my sentence with honey, sweetie, or darlin'. And how many of those I use is a measure of just how mad I am. They're all terrified of it.

[youraugustine.livejournal.com]

Whereas for a very dear friend of mine (and thus it's creeping into my usage), if he's sprinkling "darlin'"s in there (regardless of your sex), you're probably totally fine.

If he starts leaving them off, it's Serious Talk. And if he says "babe" or "baby", you're in biiiiig trouble.

(His brother uses "sweetheart" to much the same effect.)

Oh communication.

[inaurolillium.livejournal.com]

Oh, all of those words get scattered throughout my speech. It's only when I open with them that there's a problem.

As in, "Honey. Sweetie. Darlin'. Do I understand correctly that you blew off your because you were too stoned to come in to work? Right after I made you a manager?"

Contrast, "Hey, darlin'? Could you pass me that?"

[mama-hogswatch.livejournal.com]

Not an insult. It's a paddle to spank with.

[inaurolillium.livejournal.com]

The phrase "Now listen here, cupcake," springs to mind, as the opening to a thorough explanation of exactly how wrong your target is. Am I in the vicinity of the correct usage?

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

Ding ding ding!

[mama-hogswatch.livejournal.com]

Exactly right. Said in a Tidewater accent.

As in, when a child is sneaking a cookie, "You sure you wanna be doin' that, cupcake?"

[inaurolillium.livejournal.com]

Very nice. Very nice indeed. Mind if I borrow it?

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

Not having been raised in the South, if I say "How nice!" with that intent, it's probably in conscious imitation of Tom Lehrer in "A Christmas Carol". Which means with an inflection that not even the most tone-deaf are likely to miss. :-)